one of these days, i will finish telling you the humorous tales of dating here in this city. i can't deprive you of the laughs that my girls and i still reminisce about. so, standby, they will come. but for now, i will tell you that in the midst of the brief comedies, there have been stories. love stories. brief as they may be, they have been there. out of respect and reverence for the relationships, i have left them out of here. but they have been real. they have been blessings and curses all in one.

for the first time since i started this dating adventure, i started off with someone and let them know my full intentions...i put every egg in my basket and did my best to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. and that i did. i allowed myself to be vulnerable, honest, and transparent. i allowed myself to care, let down a few walls and give of myself fully.

i can't tell you a happy ending. i can't tell you why either. but i can tell you that i have not a single regret. i am thankful for every second of vulnerability. every minute of normalcy in a relationship. and grateful for the lessons learned...because i will settle for nothing less than what is best...no more games. no more devaluing dances. i will do exactly what i did all over again and know that when the right person stands in front of me...they will not be able to hold back.

ouch

it makes me wonder or wonder if i should confirm...that men are selfish. at their core, regardless of how much we love them, they are selfish. i don't really understand it. i hate to think it's true. but i'm being given little to work with here...want to give the benefit of the doubt...want to think that surely they know better...but still left with nothing. half the bad behavior is literally accidental. like they didn't even know...and these are grown, intelligent, experienced men. can't believe it was accidental, think that they are too wise to intentionally do it...so, it must be in their blood. that's all i can think.

now, i know it's not ALL men...but come on, not ALL sociopaths kill someone. whether it's the tiniest little detail or the things that make you go, "What the *!#&!?" it happens. again and again and again.

i love men. i really do...i mean, i love people. i love dogs. and thunderstorms...but i do also love men and to be quite honest- i want them to be good. i want them even when they're not good- let's be real here, but i mean, can't a man put someone else first...specifically a woman?

let me be really sincere here, MEN...stop for just a minute and think about how she makes you feel...how what she does for you...makes you feel. think about how she is there for you- regardless of how unintentionally clueless you are sometimes- think about how she believes in you more than you believe in yourself. think about what she gives, not because there is something to gain, but simply because she wants to...and think about what she needs.

he's wonderful. :)