PART 1: The Writer

Let me introduce you to the writer. I'll be nice here and leave his name out of it. Of course, by doing this, I won't be giving him credit for the article that I'll be referencing. Forgive me. I think, in this situation, I'll protect his reputation. So it begins...


You can’t afford her. Trust me, my man, I know. Yes, I am single. Yes, I like to wine and dine a woman I’m interested in courting. Yes, I make decent money. So I don’t have too much problem with popping the bill for chivalrous activity. But for the upwardly mobile woman (UMW), it may be a hard reality to face: Your pockets may be fat, but they may not be fat enough.

Frustrating, huh? You make decent money and you live a comfortable life. But there’s a difference in making $50,000 and dating someone pulling in, say, $150,000. And brother, if you are on that $50,000 end of the equation — no matter your looks or charm — you’re likely swimming upstream in your efforts to reel in that professional skirt at the other end of the bar. You can marvel at the four-figure balance in your savings account, but she stacks her dough in a lofty, five- and six-figure Roth IRA and has diversified her stock portfolio.

There’s nothing wrong with women making dough. But nowadays, women are earning more money than ever before, which means their mate-vetting process is likely to get a bit more finicky. Why? Because unlike in the olden days, UMWs don’t have to seek a mate for her own survival. (A note here: A recent British study revealed that 59 percent of wives said they would divorce immediately if their future economic security was assured.)
So now that women are earning more, they are dating Average Joes less. According to an analysis of 2005 census data by sociologist Andrew Beveridge, women age 21 to 30 are earning higher wages — between 15 to 25 percent more depending on the city — than men in the same age range in cities like New York, Chicago and Boston.

Many UMWs feel if they earn a lofty salary, they should be with someone who earns an equivalent or higher wage. And no matter what feminist mantra they chirp to you, fella, many UMWs want a man secure enough fiscally to take care of her and maintain her comfortable lifestyle, even though she may not look to surrender her self-reliance (or her own wealth).
In short, man, it’s all about her option. Many UMWs want the option for it all: to keep, not spend, their money on anyone but themselves. Many want a man in control to take care of the bills and make all the decisions. Others reserve the right to claim independence and do whatever they want when it’s convenient.

No one said dating was easy. ~ The Writer

My response.

Better yet, you can’t handle her. It’s not an easy pill to swallow, but really, it may be time. She may not be the submissively, sweet type (to the naked eye). She may not even be the stay-at-home and cook your dinner type (although, she will whip up a dinner to die for any night of the week). She is probably smart, sophisticated, and savvy. She most likely worked twice as hard to make the same wage that you do. She probably put up with unwelcomed advances and the typical male comments that have made her success all the more enjoyable. Now, she wants to meet a man that can take her for who she is- respect her and enjoy her.
You’re right- she doesn’t need you to survive. She can pay her own bills, pump her own gas, buy her own home, and even raise her own kids. What you don’t realize is that she wants you to help her thrive. Success doesn’t negate the need for companionship. Thus, the reason for all of the gorgeous, single, successful women out there, just waiting for a decent date. They aren’t waiting for the Bentley to pull up and the Chanel bag to be their “thank you for dining with me” gift on the front seat. No, just a decent date.

You don’t believe me? Okay, well, for instance…I haven’t been on a decent date yet. I’ve paid for dinner after picking a guy up (45 minutes from my home) because his car got towed. I’ve been told to wear “hoop” earrings when I show up to meet a guy- because that’s what he likes. I’ve been asked, after a week or so, to lend money and then buy groceries for someone. I’ve been swamped with calls and emails because I didn’t kiss a guy after meeting him for 3 minutes. I am not talking about dates just out of high school. I am talking about grown men with educations and careers. Let’s not even talk about the other 50% who are married and think they are still in the game.

So, you say, “It’s all about her option.” Shouldn’t it be? It seems the good men are intimidated now by the lack of need…it’s simply too much pressure on their performance. Don’t worry about the UMW’s lofty salary- it’s not about your paycheck. It’s about your game. Maybe it’s time to step it up. No one said dating was easy.

Stay tuned.

please tell me it isn't so...

I was just about to give up on this on-line dating thing, when I came across an email from a rather charming young man. He had visited my site on several occasions and had sent a couple of "hello's". Because I was completely exhausted from this game of dating, I brushed past him. On one particular evening, in my desperation, I decided to give it another try. I said "hello" and began the typical match "courting".

He was cute, smart, witty, and with a decent job. He seemed normal enough and we carried on quite a few enticing conversations. After a long, holiday weekend, he sent a sweet email asking about my weekend and fun with friends. He went on to say that he spent the weekend sailing and grilling with friends and family. Enchanting. As I read his invitation to meet, I actually had a little bit of excitement in me at the thought of sharing some adventures with such a charming gent. In the midst of a perfectly normal letter...he said that he had to know...

I was reading the email aloud to my girlfriend at the time. In an exciting tone, with sweetness in my fluctuations...when I came to this line...I stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn't even read the next sentence out loud. My jaw was to the ground and I was speechless. Now, let me explain by saying that my friend and I, when discussing men in general, are NEVER speechless. When I couldn't continue with the letter...she seemed as shocked as I.

"DO YOU COME WITH A BOOTY?"

I have read some dumb things. I have heard some crazy lines come from the mouths of these creatures...but this? Really? Do I come with a booty? Well, I don't know. Do you come with any common sense? A mother, perhaps, who taught you any manners? Because clearly...you come with balls....and that's it. At that moment, I questioned why I am even attracted to this species. I mean, really. I love men. I am attracted to men. I want clearly to find a partner in a man...but MEN...please, help me out here. You appear completely normal and then BAM!!! Out of no where, you hit an innocent woman with this...

Please tell me it isn't so.